The people who know me well in my life know that I am probably the most competitive person in the world. I have been told I am a Jack Russel Terrier, never back down to a fight, even when I am know the odds are against me. However, I have never been a man to kick another man when he is down…until now. I knew that the fight was over of Trevor in the truck on drive to the mountains. He even made me meet him at the donut shop. Who eats donuts at 43 years old anymore? Unless you’re a cop? I smelled blood in the water almost instantly. I do not have a lot of photos, I had to use his I phone and email them to me. This is a sad day for me, and the “Precious Ring” that lays upon my finger is just one that reminds me of the friend I once used to have that was competitor in the field of mushroom battle.
This was after I found about 9 morels, and focused my attention to the Infamous King Bolete.
The morel mushrooms still have not shown in full force. The black ones have a little, the blondes at this point are a no-show and I fear that this year may be a bust. I started out by finding a few, yelling to my friend who only took the mental punches in the forest and went into a mental frenzy. I knew I had him when he went “Morel Mode” and started speed walking. He actually stepped over my largest find, which was the size of a football. I found 6 King Boletes today, and about 11 black morels.
We only spent a few hours in the woods. I knew the battle was over before it began. I guess it was a mushroom version of Bush’s “Shock and Awe” in Iraq, I unlike President Bush never found any glory in the tactic itself.
On the way home, my long time friend fell asleep for the first time in the 25 years we have known each other that I can remember. He stayed asleep, as my diesel engine roared and passed cars for about an hour. He finally woke up and said “Wow, we are almost home. You were hauling ass!”
I replied “That is the sour taste of defeat that is running rampant in your veins like a venomous poison.” He said nothing, and changed the subject to what Howard Stern was saying on the radio as if he was paying attention.
I remain the King, and the soul owner of “Precious”, and 2012 Undefeated Heavy Weight Champion of Our Mushroom World. I know some of you think that I am a little hard on Trevor, but keep in mind this is the same man that thought I snuck up into his room at 4 am and stole his underwear in complete darkness while he and his wife slept because I apparently didn’t have any. His wife protected my honor and told him to go down and look in his laundry basket….then asked “Why in the hell would you think Shay would want to wear your underwear?”